Friday, September 7, 2012

Pride Cometh Before the FAIL

In light of my last, bragabit post, I thought it would be a nice balance to give you a front row seat to one of my big flops. You know, just to make it clear that I'm a well rounded person with as many (or many more) failures as wins. Of course, it's probably of no surprise to you that I have colossal fails in my repertoire, but let's, just for a moment, pretend like you don't know that.  It'll make this whole post a lot more enjoyable to you.

Let's get on to the fail, shall we? The great Bacon Avocado Pasta fail!!

If you are thinking to yourself, "This involves bacon and avocado! It couldn't possibly fail!" then you are sitting exactly where I was.  Innocently pinning away, I spied this lovely little number and thought that same thing.  

(Sorry for the grainy quality and small size...I had to pull this pic offline and the only one I could find was itty bitty. /: )
Bacon, avocado, pasta...I was in love.  And then avocados went on sale! It was So I started in.  It was on Pinterest so I thought, as so many have, I can totally do this. 

I couldn't. 

I won't give you the specifics of the creation process because it wasn't that hard and because, well, I failed...but here's a brief adventure in photo journalism so that you know what it looked like:

I know. Everything looks good, right?! Right. I was so proud of all this while it was happening. The pictures were coming together and I was planning on doing a post about exactly how I pulled together meals like this without a kitchen. I was thinking about it the whole time.  Cooking the pasta in my electric hot pot, the bacon on my electric griddle, chopping the avocados on my makeshift countertop/leaf from our dining table...spilling half my pasta in our bathroom sink while trying to strain the hot pot with the lid because I don't know where our colander is...

Oh yeah it was gonna be an all-kinds-of-fun-how-I-cook-without-cooking-stuff post, so that I could answer people every time they said, "You have no kitchen? But how are you making food?" It was going to be great. 

But then we ate it. 

And it was gross. 

I don't know what happened exactly, but what I thought would be a very fresh tasting, yummy meal with crunchy salty bacon was actually a very heavy, very heavy, very heavy load of guhh. It was heavy, and it was also heavy.  Everything was mushy and slimy and heavy. And did I mention how heavy it was? Man, I was disappointed. It was so disheartening that I started hoping that I was pregnant, just so I'd have a reason to feel sick other than my horrible meal.

Can I just say, too, that this isn't just a little new-wife-learning-to-cook anecdote? I like to cook. I have enjoyed cooking for awhile.  I'm not a top chef or anything, but I have, on frequent occasion, made food that is not disgusting. I can do my thing...

...most of the time.

Dan liked it. Or he said he did, anyway.  I'm pretty sure he said he wouldn't lie to me in his vows, so, we'll go with it. Dan liked it. 

If you have any idea why it went so poorly, please let me know. 

I just thought it would be good to offer a little dose of my big time lame. I know that sometimes when I'm looking at Pinterest or blogs I just want to see somebody post something awful. I'm like that. I mean, come on, we all--especially those of us on Pinterest--are in desperate need of a healthy dose of reality, aren't we? Somebody somewhere must screw up...and we need to know about it! We need to know, craft-bloggers, that you get glue in your hair and you burn your fingers on your hot glue guns! We need to know, home improvement bloggers, that you sometimes pound the sledgehammer through a wall that is not going away! We [I] need to know! 

So that's that. My pasta fail. One of many, but the only one so well documented with pictures. 

Dan and I have been busy lately, so I'm behind on posting about the house and what's been up with us, but here's a little sneak-peek at what you'll probably see in posts coming up. 

Excited? Me too. Can't wait to get going on these posts!!! 

As for now, if you have any major fail stories that you'd like to share, please do.  We'll console one another. I'll bring tissues, you bring snacks. 


  1. This post was so heavy. I feel very heavy.

    I am baffled as to why this did not turn out good. It sounded amazing. Maybe it was the penne, since it is so thick. [? sounded good]

    So looking forward to your future posts. :)

  2. ....still lovin your voice. Keep posting, keep cooking and keep blogging :)

  3. One time I tried making Potato Soup but it tasted like liquid flour...we ended up ordering a pizza. Total fail, except that we got pizza!! :)

  4. You, Jessica Higginbotham, unlike your heavy heavy baconey heavy avocado-laden pasta dish, are so refreshing. Yes. I do have to say though....bacon avocado pasta didn't even sound good to me at the beginning. Possibly because for me avocado is synonymous with death. And slime (that's where the slime came from!). And I don't like it. So that might explain it.

  5. i laughed at emilys comment where she had already made it adundantly clear that she didnt like avocado by making it synonmos with slime and death but still through the extra clarification for anyone wondering there in the second to last sentence. i chuckled so thank you emily.

    also while typing i said "i chucked" instead of "i chuckled". ahh adventures in the life of a non speller, it makes like so much more exciting.

    jessica i still wanna try and make this pasta.... its not that i think i could do it better than you its just.... i don't know how bacon and avocado can be bad... id have to see it myself